So I know today is day 3 but I want to recap day 2 before I say anything about today.
Yesterday was my day to compete. I woke up early, took a shower, and got ready to go. I left nice and early so I could get to the venue with pleanty of time to check my weight, settle in, and relax before my bracket was up. I got there at 10:00am and my weight was 160 -- great! that's 3 pounds under! I ate some granola bars and an apple throughout the day and drank some water and Gatorade. I kept weighing myself throughout the day and my weight never went above 160.5 (which I don't get because I was drinking a lot!). Forty minutes before it was time for my bracket to go I decided to start getting warmed up. I like to warm up early because I always get nervous jitters and running around helps me to get rid of them. My bracket was called to the warm-up area at 1:20 so I went from running around the back hallways to bouncing around in the bull pen. I was in there for an hour before they called me to get my gi and weight checked. Surprisingly I was pretty relax this whole time, even as I walked onto the mat.
Michelle Welti (DTJJ) vs Brooke Goldsworthy (Crispim BJJ)
Hours past as I watch the rest of the women's blue and purple belt divisions. Time was closing in on the Women's Blue Belt Open. I cleared my head and was ready to make my comeback in the Open.
Michelle Welti (DTJJ) vs Hana Fischer (Alliance SP)
Match starts and I immediately get my grips. Hana also gets her grips, a huge power grip around my arm and to my belt. Great, gotta break this and get my posture - she's creating an angle, she wants to throw - break that grip NOW. I broke the grip - we gripped back up, same grip. I broke it again. We gripped back up, SAME grips - ugh this is getting frustrating. Oh no, I just got thrown. I won't let her take my side...turtle up. I reached for her leg to drive he back. She was big and sprawling hard - I just couldn't pull that leg under. New plan, sit through to guard. I tried a few time to sit through to guard but had to revert back to the turtle. Eventually I got to the half guard. I need to sweep to the top, I can't let this 200 pounder stay on top. Let's try to get to deep half and sweep, I don't think I can lift all her weight with a hook sweep with my bad knee. Oh shit, she has my arm and is going for a paint brush! My shoulders are bad! This hurts so bad... Tap. I lost again.
I learned a lot yesterday. There are many things I need to work on. But the number 1 thing is my confidence. I know I am better than most, if not all, of the girls out here, but for some reason when I get to the mat all my confidence goes out the window. I start to fear losing and it crushes me mentally. I need to search deep inside myself and figure out why this is. It is only then that I will start winning the titles I deserve.