Pans - Day 2

So I know today is day 3 but I want to recap day 2 before I say anything about today.

Yesterday was my day to compete.  I woke up early, took a shower, and got ready to go.  I left nice and early so I could get to the venue with pleanty of time to check my weight, settle in, and relax before my bracket was up.  I got there at 10:00am and my weight was 160 -- great! that's 3 pounds under!  I ate some granola bars and an apple throughout the day and drank some water and Gatorade.  I kept weighing myself throughout the day and my weight never went above 160.5 (which I don't get because I was drinking a lot!).  Forty minutes before it was time for my bracket to go I decided to start getting warmed up.  I like to warm up early because I always get nervous jitters and running around helps me to get rid of them.  My bracket was called to the warm-up area at 1:20 so I went from running around the back hallways to bouncing around in the bull pen.  I was in there for an hour before they called me to get my gi and weight checked.  Surprisingly I was pretty relax this whole time, even as I walked onto the mat. 

Michelle Welti (DTJJ) vs Brooke Goldsworthy (Crispim BJJ) 

We shook hands and the match began.  Brooke crouched down low - I knew this meant she was going to try to pull guard.  She backed away from me as I came in to get my grip.  I remained in the center of the mat to wait for her to come to me.  I wanted her to play my game.  Time was ticking by and she wouldn't come to me so finally I went to her.  I grabbed her lapel and she immediately pulled guard.  I held her up, her feet weren't closed yet - this is not so bad, I like the top, I'll just pass to the side and submit.  Oh no, she grabbed my ankels - I can't let her sweep me, I am not starting this match down to points.  She ended up sweeping me.  She was in my open guard in combat base.  I tried for submissions, and I tried for sweeps but she was holding her positions and not wanting to move.  I was getting frustrated.  All of a sudden I here someone call out "30 seconds left!"  No, I refuse to lose in the first round again.  I MUST get a sweep!  I tried so hard, but was unable to do anything.  The buzzer rang - I lost. 

I was so mad, and dissapointed, and frustrated.  I couldn't believe I lost in the first round.  I honestly thought  I was going to win gold.  I wanted to cry.  I gathered my things and returned to the stands to watch the remainder of my braket.  Brooke Goldsworthy ended up placing third in the bracket.  First place went to Jessica Eve Richer of team Gracie Barra Long Island.  And 2nd place went to Alexis Dufresne of team Carlson Gracie.

Hours past as I watch the rest of the women's blue and purple belt divisions.  Time was closing in on the Women's Blue Belt Open.  I cleared my head and was ready to make my comeback in the Open.

Michelle Welti (DTJJ) vs Hana Fischer (Alliance SP)
Match starts and I immediately get my grips.  Hana also gets her grips, a huge power grip around my arm and to my belt.  Great, gotta break this and get my posture - she's creating an angle, she wants to throw - break that grip NOW.  I broke the grip - we gripped back up, same grip.  I broke it again.  We gripped back up, SAME grips - ugh this is getting frustrating. Oh no, I just got thrown.  I won't let her take my side...turtle up.   I reached for her leg to drive he back.  She was big and sprawling hard - I just couldn't pull that leg under.  New plan, sit through to guard.   I tried a few time to sit through to guard but had to revert back to the turtle.  Eventually I got to the half guard. I need to sweep to the top, I can't let this 200 pounder stay on top.  Let's try to get to deep half and sweep, I don't think I can lift all her weight with a hook sweep with my bad knee.  Oh shit, she has my arm and is going for a paint brush!  My shoulders are bad!  This hurts so bad...  Tap.  I lost again.

I learned a lot yesterday.  There are many things I need to work on.  But the number 1 thing is my confidence.  I know I am better than most, if not all, of the girls out here, but for some reason when I get to the mat all my confidence goes out the window.  I start to fear losing and it crushes me mentally.  I need to search deep inside myself and figure out why this is.  It is only then that I will start winning the titles I deserve.